My Cruddy Valentine!

It's Valentines Day - again! And all you suckers who are in relationships, it's time to ante up! Buy them chocolates and flowers, confirm them dinner reservations, or hotel rooms, buy that lingerie and get ready for a night of passion!

Okay, maybe you're not with the one you want to be with, like the dude up above puttin' the finger gun to his head. For reals? That woman is aged to perfection and definitely deserves some chocolate covered, or sugary coated confection affection! Babes went all out, dressin' to the nines. She's ready to have a fun night, but looks bored out of her mind. There's no tellin' where the night is going to go for these. But you? You can take this day of love and make something special out of it.

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Like Ray J and Whitney probably would've done if she hadn't went toes up in a hotel bathroom not but two, or three days ago.

Hopefully your relationship turns out better than Ray J and Whitney's alleged burgeoning turn around the block. Just stay the hell out of the bathtub and y'all should be okay. 

And if the lure of it is too strong, just make sure to LEAVE - THE - CRACK - ALONE! Just to be on the safe side, nix the Xanax, as well. Never take scissors in there with you, you don't need 'em! Or gravy boats (pictured is Kate Upton who is appearing in Esquire’s March edition).

Update: Whiteney Houston's body was flown back to New Jersey, where it will be cut up into small chunks, or "rocks", passed amongst her adoring fans, and smoked out of crack pipes, you know, for old times sake. 

Anyway, make sure your honey is neck deep in it this Valentines Day, romance that is. If you don't have a honey, then go and cyber-stalk somebody on Facebook, or some other social media site. But only do it today, 'cause it's Valentines Day and you can cyber-gush all over whoever it is that makes your heart go pitter-patter, almost without fear of reprisal. My suggestion is to hit up Jennifer Love Hewitt, she can use the attention, 'cause you know her ass is lonely and she may just answer you back.

Real romantics take the time to write an original poem for their sweetheart. As opposed to buying some shitty card that some poor soul spent countless hours trying to craft in order to strike just the right chord to get your ass laid tonight. It's a thankless job writing cards, which pretty much goes unnoticed and un acknowledged by everybody. But it's the role they've chosen, so they shouldn't bitch about it. Unless they really are bitches, then bitch away! 'Cause, after all, that's your role.

 

So make sure your honey is well showered with love and attention, 'cause if you don't respect their ass enough to step it up and bring your A-game, especially on Valentines Day, then you might as start looking for somebody new who will spark that passion. Or buy yourself a pussy - cat.

Here's some inspirational pix for Valentine's Day.