Violent Boar-nography!

If you're having a bad day, that sucks. Nobody wants to see another individual having the kind of day where they feel that it's just one long drawn out torment and that it can't get any worse. And what really sucks is that things can always get worse, until they ultimately can't. 

And when things reach a point where they can no longer get any worse, it means one of two things: 

1. You've found a way to deal with and accept the brutality of reality as it invades and decimates the last vestiges of your idealism. This is a good thing in a, "make a heaven of hell, or hell of heaven" sort of perspective.
2. You're about to die. In which case, don't bother to fret over that fact. Just smile, 'cause soon it will all be over, and if you're fortunate, it will be over quickly, as well.

Whatever the case may be, take heart and be glad. Why? Because you're fortunate enough not to be born, or reincarnated, as this unfortunate hog below.

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What this pig exactly did to deserve this fate, whether, or not it squealed on somebody, isn't certain. This boar is about to turn this penned in area into a real disgusting pig sty! Okay, let's stop the bad puns.

 

Doesn't this throw a huge bucket of ice cold water on the pity party you're throwin' for yourself, to see that you don't have it as bad as this pig does right now? I'll bet your own little hell is startin' to look a little more heavenly right now, huh? And if it doesn't yet...

Shi-hit, this boar got fucked the hell up! And how do you feel about your bad day, now? Okay, maybe seeing a defenseless animal getting cleaved in twain added to your distress and for that schitZen vane takes a mulligan. But still, this ain't you and for that you should be grateful. Now, count your blessings, and go get yourself some pork spare ribs from your local Chinese food joint. And sticking with animal themed food...

 

Angelina Jolie Bares a Chicken Leg!

Usually when a leg like that is staring back at you it's surrounded by mashed potatoes, some biscuits and gravy. And if you saw that leg Angelina Jolie is so proudly flashin' for the cameras on your dinner plate, you'd send it back to the kitchen with a message for the chef about how it's not even fit for animal consumption, let alone humans.

But we're not cannibals. We don't want to eat Angelina's leg, maybe you do, whatever, nobody's judging you. We're judging Angelina here. And in judging her, at least her leg, it's not even clear if we want to judge it. Look, if somebody asked you what makes Angelina Jolie hot, would her legs be first thing on the list to roll off your tongue, or the second thing, third, or even fourth? 

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Look, Angelina's rockin' some serious 'tude strikin' her pose (s). And others have noted the similarity between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina's dresses. So it's logical to assume that Angie is tryin' to upstage Jen in this leg baring dress. Jen had been talkin' 'bout her and Brads past relationship, again, and maybe Brad and Angie decided to mock her. And why not? But the upstage thing, it ain't happenin'. Jennifer Aniston's got some of the best striders around.

Look, you can't go wrong with Jen, or Angie, but Brad Pitt would attest to the latter. 

For a night of unbridled freak-ocity, booty callin' a bitch for some wild, indulgent, possibly illegal type debauchery, or steppin' out in style for an evening of wining, dining and whatever else? 

You call Kate Beckinsale - PERIOD! She doesn't even have to show leg and it's a no-brainer, no, not meaning you, Stacy Keibler. And if you put your ear up to the screen, being as quiet as a titmouse (just wanted to get the word tit posted), you can hear the sexy melodious purr of Kate's vagina. Go ahead, listen.

Know What Happened To These Puppies?

Have any idea what fate befell these cute lil' suckers?

No? Well, it's a mystery all around. Bet you were expecting something that involved a burlap sack, some rocks and a body of water. Guess again, 'cause their fate is unknown.

Besides, the fate of Kelly Brook's  puppies is the what's right now. Slightly old pix but good ones.

Courtney's Stodden To Get Annoyin'!

Courtney Stodden has high hopes and is dead set on becoming a pop star. Apparently Chinese water torture is her method.

It seems that she believes if she exposes you to her slow drip on your forehead long enough, that she will coerce the world to bend to her unrelenting will, forcing her way into the public consciousness and ultimately embracing her. Keep flappin' them arms, girl.

Yeah, like that'll happen. When she's slutting it up, there is an undeniable "bitch in heat" appeal about her. But what can she offer up, outside of looking like a little whore begging to get trashed on camera by porn cocks? Does she have to offer up more than that? Yeah, she does, if she wants to break into the mainstream and stay there. First thought is, dump the svengali husband.

There doesn't seem to be any segment of the populace, or media who are asking themselves, "I wonder what Courtney Stodden is doing right now?" Until she figures out a sure fire method of achieving that, or discovers a previously hidden talent she was unaware of, making fart sounds with your armpit doesn't count, it's going to be a tough haul. But she may just do that, because she's only 17 and how many 17 year olds really know anything about themselves? And Court, FYI, rainbow isn't technically a color, neither is bubble gum.

Kim Kardashian Assks You To Forgive Her.

Yep. Thunderbunz broke out the two piece while in Miami, displaying her mASSive sex appeal to persuade you to forgive and forget her sham marriage that she used to fuel her, Kourtney And Kim Take New York television show. She's even going so far as to get "Bush to bush" with 'ol flame Reggie, reportedly. The sheer audacity of this woman, has she no shame?

After seeing these pictures, the next question after "has she no shame" is, "Kris Humpwho?" It's no secret that hot women in bikinis are the greatest mind wipe of all. Just look a that ass! How could anybody stay mad at that!  It's just begging to be forgiven. And who are we to deny Kim's ass a chance at redemption. Kim is going to make you forgive and forget, not just hope that you do. Besides, it's going to be sweet to see what depths Thunderbunz stoops to in order to turn popular opinion back to her favor. Let the skin baring, ass flaunting, attention whore groveling bonanza begin! Make it happen, Kimmy!

Stacy Keibler Might Be In Trouble

Stacy Keibler Might Be In Trouble

and Steve-O might be in luck. We'll get to that.

For right now, take a good look at Stacy Keibler. She is a primo piece of Tinsel Town arm candy for George Clooney, having parlayed her years in cheerleading, pro wrestling and her stint on DWTS into a helluva career for herself. Not by just hoping for it, but she made it happen. Which makes what's might happen soon all the more disturbing.

Last night schitZen vane was actually startled from slumber by a strange thought. It literally inspired this post. Is George Clooney going to "fuck the brains out" of Stacy Keibler? Seems strange, yes, but there's a reason why this thought occurred and that subject will be broached very shortly.

Is this a shot of Clooney checking to see if Stacy is showing signs that he has indeed "fucked her brains out yet?" An eye twitch, spasm at the corner of her mouth, one of her breasts bouncing up, while the other went down when she walked. George seems to be studying her face rather intently. Does he notice something that he may have seen in another?

And if the Cloonman can't discern with absolute certainty whether, or not Stacy's noggen is getting progressively more hollow from incessant poundage just by observation, he may ask the question with a cutsie-cute manner used on somebody with the mental capacity of a 3 year old. 'Cause if Stacy still has some wattage upstairs, she'll just think it's sweet. Of course, referring to himself in the third person, it would sound like, "has Georgy-Worgey fucked Stacy-Wacy's wittle bwains out? Huh?" Tapping his finger on the end of her nose. Not so subtle, but effective. Hey, dude can't start showing up on the red carpet with a chick who looks phenomenal, but starts walking straight into metal barricades and ornamental planters. Reaching for the flashes from camera bulbs, like she's trying to catch 'em, talkin' 'bout "pretty fireflies," especially with the Oscars so close. Then again, does Stacy really even have to say anything?

Now, to Elisabeta Cannalis, who is getting canolied by Steve-O. If you didn't know, now ya know. The unbelievable has seemed to become the sadly accepted foregone.

"Oh, come on!" some may shout. "Steve-O is scoring one for all us ordinary schleps with little to no hope of bangin' a top shelf piece of Eurotail, like Elisabeta!" Really? You want Steve-O wearing the yellow jersey in the Tour De Pants? Nah-ah! No! Niet! Nein!

Any a-hole who is douchey enough to cover their back with a tattoo of their own face doesn't deserve to be sending his gondola down Elisabeta's love canal.


Which brings me to the point. George Clooney is fucking the brains out of his women, then cutting them loose. How else do you explain Elisabeta letting Steve-O get all, Maximus Decimus on her lower Meridius? That's it. Cloonman fucked Elisabeta's brains out. Now she can't figure out what dude with some celebrity is higher up on the proverbial food chain. And she's probably obsessed with very shiny pennies, as well. Poor thing.

Shiny Pen-ny?

Or maybe, just maybe Elisabeta knows exactly what she's doing and is playing those who are watching, for suckers. Maybe she really liked her experience on DWTS, finding a kindred dance spirit in Steve-O, so they spend their time tripping the light fantastic, which doesn't include the horizontal limbo. And the exposure is just keeping her name out there. If she is a mindless dolt, with Keibler destined to the same fate, then Steve-O may have some more top notch poon to plunder on the horizon.

Make It Happen

Just what made that little 'ol ant, think he could move that rubber plant? Could be the same thing that makes this dude think that he can actually flap his fat arms hard enough and fast enough to fly his lard ass to Taco Bell for the new Doritos nacho meal.

Some would call it high hopes. Others would say it's a chemical high from huffing kerosene from a Hefty bag. Whatever it is, that ant from the song and this rotund fella are gonna do their damnest to make it happen. And what about you? What are you gonna do to make what you want happen? As put it in their awesome song, Into the Fire, "wishin' and hopin', wont get you nothin'". Jabba can flap his arms until Kingdom Come, aint' no way in hell he's going anywhere. Only place he's goin' is to the hospital with a massive coronary on the back of a flatbed truck, after they cut a whole in his wall with a chainsaw big enough to extract him and forklift his fat ass outta there. 
 
But you, you can go anywhere and do anything you want just by deciding to. Nobody is stopping you, but you. Keeping your wants and desires grounded in reality is an important step. Do that, and you're well on your way. So get out there and make it happen! Or don't, that fat dude looks kinda happy where he is in life. Would that make you happy?

Reeeeeee - wiiiiiiind! Jessica Lowndes - Cox Fox!

Somewhere between Courtney Cox and Megan Fox, lies Jessica Lowndes.

Not literally, which would be totally awesome, but figuratively, with her good looks. Jessica's a sultry beauty, like Megan Fox, with girl next door appeal, like Courtney Cox. She has the looks to hold her own against any of Hollywood's hottest starlets. She's a supremely sexy Canadian vixen with sinfully sweet beauty. So just take some time to savor Jessica's unique visual flavor.