Remember when Jessica Simpson looked like this?
No? Well, me neither. Seems like twenty years ago that Jessica Simpson was hotter than Georgia asphalt in the summer time. * Huh-huh, huh-huh, ass-phalt, like an ass crack * Anyway, Jessica Simpson would have been on most peoples short list of the hottest chicks on the planet. Now Jessica resembles a planet. I’m not saying Jess is fat, but when she asks her boyfriend Eric Johnson to scratch an itch for her, he needs latitude and longitude just to locate the itch. No, Jess is pregnant of course, which means she’s craving all kinds of weird shit that would make a billy goat puke… hopefully the billy goat doesn’t throw up too close to Jess, ‘cause somethin’ tells me she’d eat it.
Look, I’m not saying that Jess looks like crap, but her choice to wear toilet paper for Halloween speaks volumes.
And if Jess has anything, it’s good fashion sense. Just look how slim she looks wearing all black. Jeez, I haven’t seen something that fat black, since Nell Carter passed away. I’m only kidding of course. Take a look at Jess in her heyday.
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